Fleet Sparrow

I'm going to limit myself to two wishes!  totally not because that's all I can think of, of course not, who said that?

I wish for...

• Video games similar to The Darkside Detective (computer, phone/tablet, Nintendo Switch; I have other consoles, but these are the easiest for me to access for now)
• Video games similar to Sorcery School mobile solitaire game (same systems as above)

Note:  For "similar to" in terms of games, I'm mostly looking for vibes.  Both games are fun and light-hearted, with a touch of dark humor.  I am partial to point-and-click and card or word games, but I definitely prefer games that I can take breaks between sections/chapters/etc.  (For example, I started There Is No Game on my phone last year, but I'm not 100% sure it actually has save points, which means I have not actually picked it back up since stopping.)

Talking about how fandom has improved my life must include the ways in which fandom has also been a struggle in my life.  (Why must it?  Because my thoughts about the good things are intimately tied up with the bad things.)

In an attempt to keep this relatively brief, I'm only counting fandom from my college days on (about 13 years ago to present).

In my last couple of years at college, I joined a DC Comics roleplaying group on Tumblr.  I had, at this point, already made a couple of friends through tumblr, but it was during my time in this group that I really started posting my own fanfics online and getting very involved in the then-current Batfandom on Tumblr.  (Fun Fact:  My first ever smut writing experience was a threesome in a live chat/real-time RP with two other people.  This was the event that convinced me I could, in fact, write and post my own smut.  If I could do it live, I could certainly do it on my own time!)  I was on Tumblr for the New 52 event.  I was there for the entire run on Grayson, including the unnecessary (and, lbr, pretty damn racist) hatred towards the rebooted version of Helena Bertinelli and the absolute bullshit that was the aggressively loud Grayson-haters' Twitter harassment of Tim Seeley while he was on a date.  Some of y'all fuckers need to learn some manners, I stg.

During this time, I went to several comic conventions (WonderCon and Long Beach Comic Con being the biggest two).  I met some local artists and creators.  I actually got to not only get some Grayson comics signed by Tom King for me and a friend, but also got to talk to him about the comic for a good chunk of time.  (My favorite story:  During the issue where Dick walks through the desert with the baby, there are two pages where he tells the story of a dream he had, which is actually the 1963 Batman story Robin Dies At Dawn.  The art in Grayson is of Dick walking through the bottom third of the pages while the sun beats down on the upper two-thirds.  Tom King had originally wanted the upper parts of the panel to be drawings from the Robin Dies At Dawn story as a nice reference/Easter Egg.  Editorial said no, so they stuck with the sun.)

I wrote a ton of fanfics between 2013-2018!  I did so many fandom events and big bangs!  I made some fandom friends who I still consider very dear friends!

And I also saw a lot of fandom explode at others and implode on itself.

Right around 2019, I got my first job outside home.  I still wrote a lot, but a lot of my fandom friends were either going into new fandoms or moving to different sites, especially after the 2018 Tumblr porn ban.  By 2020, I was starting to get back into fandom in a very light-touch way, but so many of us were gone.  I did end up writing my biggest/most involved fanfic in years during that year (a graveyard shift job as a COVID symptom checker where I only had to pay attention at the top of each hour helped immensely, ngl).  But, oof, there was a lot going on that I no longer wanted to be part of in fandom.

In 2021, I wound up back at the same company I worked for in 2019 (this time as a permanent employee) and my stress levels tripled.  I started to get back into fandom as a way to stay sane, and it worked, for the most part!  I was still doing too many exchanges and events (which ended up only adding to the stress, unfortunately), but I was getting back into that kind of fandom friendship space that I genuinely had missed.  I even ended up going back on Tumblr!

And then, in 2024, after an incredibly brutal end to 2023, I found a Discord group that seemed to have that old-school fandom feeling to it.  During my three months off work post-surgery, I not only joined that group, but found a subgroup of new friends within it (and we've been going strong since).

I feel like a lot of this post seems more negative, but it's not really meant to be.  I have made some great friends through fandom.  I've written some honestly fantastic things because of fandom.  I've also learned a lot about myself through fandom, about what stresses I can take, about what kinds of things I like to write and read, even about how to take care of myself and when I need to remove myself from the more toxic and/or anger-inducing aspects of fandom.

And yet, unfortunately, brevity is clearly not one of the things I've learned via fandom.

...every bird has them.

I don't know if this is so much a fandom opinion as much as a fandom practice, but if my [redacted] years online have taught me anything, it's that I really do not have the energy to spend gleefully hating on things.  Even if it sucks.  Even if it's factually wrong.  If it's in any way within my control to avoid seeing a terrible hot take or avoid a fandom, I'll do it.  So long as no one's being hurt where it's within my power to help, I just do not have the spoons.

That does not mean I won't ever go into a group chat and have a good laugh at such things.  I ain't perfect.  But there is a certain level of ire and rage that I just no longer have the energy to expend by engaging with the willfully obtuse.

That said, I also no longer have the patience to be nice about certain behaviors.  You don't get to come uninvited into my house and then complain about the decorations.  It's my house.

I swear, I've had wins this year, but right now I'm currently on day... 5 of COVID and feeling crappy.  I'm on Paxlovid right now (day 2 of that) and my throat isn't as sore as it was last night/this morning, when it felt like there was acid coating my soft bits, but I'm in intense pain and still cannot muster the energy to even shower, so, as one can guess, I'm not really feeling up to going to work, either.

There's no reason for me to start this post in this way, but I'm sick and miserable so y'all get some of that before I list wins.

Pseudo-win:  I got accepted into grad school!

Unfortunately, grad school is ridiculously expensive, a thing which I could not see until after class selection, so that's not happening this year.  Hopefully soon.

Win:  I have been (aside from 2 days of sickness), consistently journaled in my 2 ongoing journals this year.  I have been focusing on a theme of expansiveness and finding joy and taking rest when I want it and not just when I need it.  That's actually been very good for me this year.  So far, aside from these last days of COVID, I've been able to handle things so much easier and calmer than before.

The newest thing I've been particularly obsessed with hasn't been so much fandom related as it is life-related.

At the beginning of the year, I read the book Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey, and it has been so inspiring and life-changing, especially after I burned out pretty spectacularly by the end of last year.

I know I won't be able to do it justice, really, but the message of rest and intentionally taking the time to rest without the expectation of increased productivity after has been mind-blowing for me.  Learning to divest from grind culture and actively say "no" to things that would impact my resting time and state is so challenging, and yet already, I've been so much calmer and more balanced and found it easier to tap into my own feelings and thoughts without getting swept away by them.

I really can't recommend it enough.

How would you describe your sense of humor? Can you give an example?
Old and weird.

I grew up on Marx Brothers, screwball comedies of the 1930s/40s, Rocky Horror, Muppets, lots of stand-up comedy (Bill Cosby, George Carlin were two very big influences, but also we had a local radio station who used to do about 5-10 minute segments of different comedians at 5pm), and later found Mystery Science Theater 3000 as a young college student.  My dad used to do stand-up bits as a teen and young adult and my mom and her dad were huge readers, so jokes, riddles, and puns/wordplay were huge parts of my childhood.

I don't know.  Most of the things I use were things I figured would be important for me, and the things I end up using a lot that I didn't figure would be important were things I was literally never taught (like figuring percentages, or balancing checkbooks, or cooking, or...)

My main goal is basically to guide myself by my 2024 equation as shared in my newsletter.

I do have a few minor goals, though:

• Write for joy and enjoyment
• Read what calls to me from my own library
• Rest easy and rest often
• Advocate for myself
• Say "no" until called to do otherwise

I'm feeling pretty good about these.

 I have quite a few goals for this year, but I'll just list my main fannish ones:

• Write only things I enjoy
• Finish my posted WIPs
• Do my writing classes this year
• Hit my 75,000 word goal for the year
• Have fun!

My main personal wins from last year:

• Didn't quit my job in anger
• Finished many fics
• Hit my word count goal
• Hit my reading goal
• Survived

The List:
1. A favorite character
I can answer all 9 in basically three photos (except maybe the game, but the hobby I enjoy is writing, so I think it counts).

In this first photo, I have a favorite character (Dick Grayson as Nightwing in his first costume a.k.a. Discowing); something that makes me laugh (HIM, because his evil joyous smile makes me smile); my bookshelf (well, a corner of one); something I find comforting (the smell of white musk); and things from old and new fandoms (HIM and Discowing, again).




In this second photo, I have another bookshelf and my little magnetic Vodka Mutini plush, because, yes, I am Homestuck trash (oh, and there is a game here! Blacksad for the Nintendo Switch (which I haven't played yet, but still).):


This last photo is of some new jewelry I have:  A ring!  Which I love, because I've always loved rings so much, and my new writing bracelet of calligraphy jasper (a.k.a. elephant jasper, among other names):